When families stop talking, and how to begin again...
- Carol Calkins, LCSW
- Aug 27
- 2 min read
Updated: Sep 21
In my practice, I often see children, teens and couples who feel like they’re speaking different languages under the same roof. Arguments start small — about homework, curfews, chores or screen time — but they can snowball into slammed doors, silent dinners and emotional distance.
What’s really happening isn’t about the dirty dishes or the forgotten text. It’s about feeling unheard, unseen or misunderstood. When those feelings pile up, connection weakens and relationships suffer.
The good news is that repair is possible. Families can learn new ways to communicate that don’t just solve today’s argument but build skills that last. Here are a few approaches I use with clients:
Listening without fixing. So often we jump straight to solutions. Sometimes what your parent, partner, child or teen needs most is for you to sit with their feelings and really hear them.
Naming the unspoken. Kids and teens often express hurt through behavior rather than words. Helping them find language for big feelings can reduce conflict and create empathy.
Creating rituals of connection. Small, predictable moments — family dinners bedtime check-ins, even short walks together — build trust and make harder conversations easier later.
Therapy offers a safe space to practice these skills, repair old wounds and strengthen relationships. Families who come in worried that it’s “too late” are often surprised to find that with the right tools, change can happen more quickly than they expect.
Conflict doesn’t mean a family is broken — it means there’s an opportunity to grow. When children, teens, couples and families learn how to reconnect, they not only solve problems in the moment, they build resilience for the future.
If your family feels stuck in cycles of conflict or silence, know that you don’t have to navigate it alone. Healing begins with a single step — and it starts with conversation.
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